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[Friday,
February 9th, 2007] |
Why is it that when you have a million things to do, all of a sudden updating your livejournal for the first time in five months seems like a GREAT idea?
Although I did just turn down an opportunity to play N64, so that I could do homework. I'm proud of that.
Except now I just want to watch Seinfield. Something tells me I'm not getting anything done tonight.
I would have to say the low point of my day was that when I got to work, which I never mind going to, my favorite kid wasn't there. And this happens more and more often. It really sucks sometimes, because you know these kids have a lot of shit going on at home. Jennifer, my girl, started talking out of nowhere a few weeks ago about how Daddy hit Mommy by the mouth. Four year olds shouldn't have to deal with that. I understand it happens, and whatever. But when you know it's happening to the sweetest four year old asian girl, it pisses you off. So there's my favorite kid, Raymond, the one where I feel this ridicuously strong attachment to, and whenever his dad comes to pick him up, he just looks MEAN. And I don't want to make judgements or whatever, but I just wonder. And the thought of anyone hurting Raymond...
Ok I'm done! Other than those types of things, work is amazing. And there are times where I want to drop out of NYU, go back home, get a degree in education there and become a preschool teacher back here in Chinatown. But...I figure it's easier to go back and get a teaching certificate rather than a Journalism and Politics degree from NYU. So maybe that'll come later.
I'm way psyched for Prague next year. That's when I'm planning on finding my Czech husband.
Also, I realized that if asked to talk about Bill Clinton in my Russian class, speaking the language seems to happen so much better. Russian must be the language of love.
I think this is it. No more procrastinating. I think I finally need to either go scan that book, iron the canvas, convince more people to go the Of Montreal show, read for politics, write that article about fashion week, or do laundry. Maybe I'll clean the bathroom.
I'll probably just take a nap.
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[Monday,
November 20th, 2006] |
I started to bear the weight of all womankind the other night, and cried...
dude I watched water
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[Sunday,
October 29th, 2006] |
"Just got back from dinner at Friday's. I ended up having a laughing attack on the ride home. Those always come out of nowhere. I realized that no one has ever heard my real, hardcore laugh at NYU. Not that people aren't funny there, there's just something about these people here that bring it out of me. We tried to catch the Fraser fireworks. Who has fireworks almost a month after the 4th of July? We couldnt even find pa..."
wow I wrote that this summer, and lj just restored that for me as I was about to type a new entry. No one reads this anymore, right? So I can write whatever I want, right?
I dont know what inspires me to write in these things. But every once in a while, I think when Im in a reminiscent mood, I get the urge.
Today has been the shittiest day Ive had in a long time. I feel like its the culmination of all these events and feelings leading up to getting rejected last night. That one little thing, the few words he said just brought out all this stuff. I wish I didnt have so much coffee earlier today because all I want to do is go to sleep, I'm tired as hell but my body wont let me sleep.
I guess Im the kind of person who instead of looking at a single event and focusing on it, I look at the bigger picture and its effing my s up. I reminisce, and wonder why it's been sooo long and when's the next time it will happen? Will it? I've only been in two legitimate relationships, and the last one was two years ago. I could torture myself and read some of my entries back all the way till then. I did that last year, and man was it surreal.
It's just that this major feeling of discontentment has settled over me, and I dont know what to do to change it. Transfer schools? I've already contemplated it but the other schools I want to go to aren't going to get me the same things NYU will. Not that Im stuck necessarily. Next year, hopefully I can spend the whole year abroad. And then I want my place in Williamsburg. I wish I could afford to live by myself. I know it's impossible, and I probably won't be able to do that until my thirties. For some reason, when I imagine myself in the near future, like a few years, I always imagine that I'm by myself. I think I want it that way, but Im not sure. That doesnt mean Ill turn away any opportunities, but I know the kind of person I want to be, and I can't do that if Im not by myself. I feel guilty sometimes because I dont imagine any of my friends in that life. I dont know what that means. I think so much clearer when Im by myself. A few weekends ago, when I randomly decided to wander through the financial district like Ive always wanted to, coming across battery park and just having the most perfect seat there, with all these purple flowers in front of me and an incredible view of the statue of liberty, I get into this mood that I can't describe. It's not happy, exactly. And not sad, either. Kind of a mix of the two. Realizations.
This entry is effed up.
I think Im still scared people read it so Im holding back. But honestly, I know I shouldnt, that it doesnt matter.
If I could go back in time to one night (I know its cliche) it would definitely be New Years senior year. Although I dont know what position that would put me in right now. I would still be at NYU I know that. I would have hated myself if I was the kind of person who thought a high school relationship would last through college. Back before that though, what happened? Honestly, I wish I knew. I have all these ideas about why it never works out. I think it's because when I like someone, I REALLY am into that person. I'm too intense? Its just that I always, well at least since senior year, picked the guys who are just into me for a little bit, before they really get to know me. Then they change their minds. They see some side of me they dont like. They all of a sudden arent attracted to me anymore? I wish I knew! I never get straight answers, but I think its because Im scared to ask. Well, I asked last night and all I got was an "I dont know." And with this one I really tried to hold back. To the point where I couldnt even talk to him.
I hate this entry. I thought writing would help, it isnt. Im going to give sleep another try.
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[Friday,
July 28th, 2006] |
I used to say I could never live in Michigan if I had the choice. Why is it just now growing on me? Is it because I've spent nine months in the city? Deprived of the suburbs? I got to drive down Lakeshore Drive the other night and it was heavenly. I live for drives like those. I know it seems I always resort to Death Cab whenever I'm stressed but I'm telling you, it calms me down. Company Calls Epilogue and lake St. Clair down an empty winding road through Grosse Pointe is the cure for anything. I'm learning new parts to Michigan every day. Palmer Woods. If I ever have $700,000 to spend on a house, and it has to be in Michigan, it's in effing Palmer Woods. Its the classiest neighborhood I've ever seen ANYWHERE. Even the nicest in ground pool would look out of place. All the homes are huge and dark and brick with lead glass windows and ivy growing everywhere (my moms a real estate agent, forgive me if I notice these things). I saw the Bishop's residence. Pretty much a castle. And it's the kind of place you can tell that blacks and whites live together comfortably. Not many places like that around here. If I only had a little bit of money, and I was by myself, I would live in Hamtramck. Theres still some Polish culture remaining. Then there's the Chaldean/Arab side of town, then the Indian, and of course, keeping in mind it's proximity to Detroit, the black part. I love it. We've been going to St. Florian's for church and then to Polonia for food afterwards. Even though I'm not catholic, the beauty of old catholic churches is astounding. I don't know why I'm filled with so much love right now! And to think I started off the day wanting to give up and go back to sleep.
I've been seeing more of Detroits west side, too. Ive always been an east sider. But theres so many trees over there! What the hell is wrong with me. We took my moms future sister in law out to show her homes. Theyre moving from Pennsylvania. If I had the money they did, I would not be moving where they were. Not to say theres anything wrong with Troy or Rochester Hills but to live in such a suburban, boring neighborhood. With no diversity. Maybe thats why I love Detroit so much. More culture and history than I ever imagined. My God if anyones reading this they'll probably think I'm on drugs.
Am I changing?
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[Tuesday,
May 30th, 2006] |
In the guy department, I have exhausted all Southeastern Michigan/Metro Detroit possibilities. That leaves me with....nothing.
There are bugs in this city that are as huge as golf balls when they fly. I'd rather deal with cockroaches and rats.
When me and Therese were running to save a bird with a broken wing in the Target parking lot, this guy saw it and ran it over right in front of us.
The Detroit Hoedown? A disgrace to the white race. Especially to the country music-loving sector.
There is no air conditioning in our apartment.
Ahhhh...to be home.
I'm not gonna lie, though. There are some pluses. Driving last night, with the windows down and Of Montreal turned up, before I was aware of the killer mutant beetles invading (its like Jurassic Park outside, in bug-form), I was extremely happy. When we ate last night, and my mom insisted that we eat as a family, I was delighted to find out that eating as a family meant devouring take-out Chinese as we watched the Pistons.
Im sitting here, in the kitchen, while my Moms out showing houses, Tiffs at school, and Paris, being suspended, is sleeping upstairs. Im thinking about how Im actually not that sad that he ended things with me. Now I dont have to worry about spending the money to fly to see him, and Ill have the money to fly to Florida for Ericas birthday and then to Philly to see my beloved Jackie. It was just going to be a summer thing anyways, I could tell. And come fall, I wouldnt have wanted to be in a relationship with him, and I can tell thats what kind of guy he is.
The thing Im looking forward to most about going back to NY in the fall (is it too soon to start talking like this?) is effing tutoring. I had such an amazing time the last two months of school. It was the first time in my life I didnt dread going to work. I cant believe I was getting paid to just hang out with second graders. And I got to go to the Bronx Zoo for free! Im excited to finally be taking a journalism class.
Were going up north this summer. And I think a road trip to Chicago is happening, too. I miss the effing city. Even living in downtown Royal Oak, it quiets down at like 12 on a weeknight. Im sick of doing the same things here with the same people. I dont like tha fact that Im starting to just fall in this habit of calling the same guys, just cuz theyre here and Im bored.
My moms back. I need to go home and shower.
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[Saturday,
April 22nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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Death Cab-Information Travels Faster |
] |
Im listening to Death Cab, which I havent done in a while. I remember the night Khalid told me he cheated on me. I took my moms car and drove around aimlessly, playing the Photo Album by Death Cab over and over again. I couldnt be at home, with my mom and Matt trying to be sympathetic. I took Metro Parkway all the way to the water, and took Jefferson all the way down to 9 mile, and ended up at Matts house. I was so exhausted by then, whenever I stopped at an intersection I tried my best to compose myself and stop crying. All I wanted to do was lay down by myself, but his door was locked. He almost never locked his door, not until my family came into his life and lectured him on the importance of it, with news of break-ins and robberies happening all the time in St. Clair Shores. I took 94 back though, which is my favorite expressway. Especially in the middle of the night (was it the middle of the night? It could have only been 9 but it felt like 3). Its so smooth and moves so quickly. I got home too fast. I went straight to bed but then Therese called. I cant hold things to myself and immediately told her, sobbing, what happened, and somehow we came to the conclusion that going to her house was a good idea. I didnt know Mark was there, I didnt think it would have mattered that much that he was. But as I was telling her what happened, I know she didnt understand what I was thinking and feeling. She had never been cheated on. She had Mark and Mark had her. They were a disgustingly into-eachother couple. That was the last thing I needed. Its then that you realize that being alone is the only way you'll ever feel better. Sure, hanging out with other people gets your mind off it, and you feel happier, but its fake. Theres still the time that you have to go to bed. Lay down. And youre left with nothing but your own thoughts.
I dont know why Im shaking right now. It could be the cappuccino. I think Im finally getting better at keeping things to myself. Thats a good thing, right?
I wish I was home right now. And it was the middle of the night, and I had my car. I want to drive somewhere. Im not sure where. Maybe I could take M53 up to Almont, and lose myself in the winding dirt roads and centuries-old cemetaries. Or go the other way, take Jefferson down even further, into Grosse Pointe, down Lakeshore Drive and imagine myself living in one of the huge mansions with a lake view. I always thought that it was crazy that people with so much money would settle down in Grosse Pointe, in Michigan in general. Now Im starting to understand the appeal. Not that I dont like living in the city, but the suburbs offer something nowhere else can. I would have to be careful driving though, not to completely lose track of where I was. I could take a wrong turn and end up in the outskirts of Detroit, by myself in the middle of the night. How did my mom drive my dad to work every day in the middle of the night? To the rat-infested Detroit Axle Plant at Mound and Lynch? The smiley face that was painted there, we checked the other day and someone drew devil horns, fangs, and blood on it. We werent allowed to stop at any gas station until we passed 8 mile. I would try my best to avoid taking Van Dyke back up to 696 or to Metro Parkway. Then I would have to go through Center Line. I would pass Potomac. If I looked to the right, I could see Geralds house, if I looked left, which I always did, I might be able to see Khalids car. There was a point, when driving down 696 to Royal Oak, even passing the Van Dyke exit would get me in this unexplainable state. Luckily, Thereses exit was the one right before. Whenever I passed his house, I got this immediate nervous feeling, like when you get in trouble. Maybe I just imagined it? The worst was when I had to go to his house to pick up library books we had took out together and completely forgot about. It might have been only a few months after we had broken up. We had barely spoken since, but the library contacted me about the unreturned ACT and SAT prep books. Khalid said he might not be there, that I could just get the books and money from Randa. When I pulled up to his house, I didnt know if I was relieved or dissapointed his car wasnt there.
When Im home this summer, and drive down Van Dyke, Im going to look down his street. Its like some unseen force makes me do it, against my will. If I go to visit matt groosbeck, Ill more than likely take McKinley, and remember the first time me and Gerald hung out, that perfect summer before sophomore year. He would comment years later that he still remembers what I was wearing, that green top and white shorts. It was always kind of awkward to meet someone half way, and to see them coming from far away, but you cant talk, you just keep moving towards eachother, and hope that someone makes a move, a smile or a wave. Then we got cars. Which of course, took things to an entirely new level.
Im so disgusted with myself sometimes. This past summer...I gave up my morals. For someone who was a waste of my time. Maybe always was? But when I pass the Ram's Horn on Garfield I dont feel he a waste of my time. But memories are useless. You can think about them all you want, hold on to them. But theyre only thoughts. I find myself holding on a lot. Even to things that happened last semester, or two weeks ago. Im realizing now, theyre worthless. More than likely, things will never again be the way they were. But thats not an entirely bad thing. I think back to last year, of course having no idea that all these things would happen to me within a year. And I think that next year at this time, there will be so many new things. And that keeps me excited. I can be disgusted with myself for things I did, but it happened. Obviously theres no use in dwelling on it. Ive learned. Im accepting reality. And Im fine. I no longer feel like Im living day-to-day, just hoping for something exciting to happen. Maybe because exciting things are happening. Last night, for example...unexplainable...and new. this came out of nowhere. But theres not enough time.
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[Wednesday,
April 19th, 2006] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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Of Montreal- Disconnect the Dots |
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I have about 5 minutes before I leave for Russian, which means I have about 5 minutes before I decide if I actually want to go or not. Modern Israel got cancelled later thanks to Passover, I skipped Statistics to read in the park, but as I was sitting there, I kept getting distracted by everything around me, and it took me about 15 mintues to read one page. So I gave up, got downstein-to-go, and watched msnbc. If I dont go to Russian, itll be like a day of no class. Which would be nice, but I would feel guilty.
Ive been feeling guilty a lot lately, and I dont know why. And super anxious and stressed, more than I usually am. Like one little thing can get me freaking out. And no, its not PMS.
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[Sunday,
March 26th, 2006] |
Ohh man its been a while. But its not like Ive been extremely busy lately. Kind of bored, actually.
I had a typical Sunday. Started with the eggs-travaganza in downstein. Some Williamsburg, and movie-watching. Some upstein. And now just chilling.
Im extremely stressed about the summer housing issue. I dont know if I should do it. The cheapest housing I can get, and only if I take a class, is $150 a week, and Ill be making $300 a week. So half of everything is going to food and housing. Or, I could just go home. But will I find a job quickly, but only for the summer that will pay be that much? If I stay in NY, I might be extremely bored outside of work and school. Will and Mitch are stayiing, but Im not particularly close to either. The only friend Ill be able to see is Jackie, if I take the train to Philly or she comes here, and Kevin occasionally.
I guess I can easily get a waitressing job in downtown Royal Oak.
Oh man I dont know!!
Opinions, please?
On the other hand, I just got a call from Garrett that him and his three friends are planning a road trip to NY the last weekend in April. Which is awesome. I would love to see Garrett and meet his friends. I told them I'd be able to find them all places to sleep here. I hope I can.
Other than that, theres really nothing to be excited about or to look forward to. Except my first paycheck. Thatll be nice. Only it wont come for like a month.
I realized that I can do all my clothes shopping at Beacon's Closet. I also realized, today while shopping, that I need to do something about my weight and eating habits. This is getting out of hand. Its consumed my thoughts almost entirely, and if Im not consciously focused on it, those thoughts are lingering somewhere, always in the back of my mind.
I can feel myself slipping into quite an unpleasant mood...
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[Monday,
March 6th, 2006] |
Ahhhh man insane weekend. Thursday night was incredibly chill, I passed out studying in Vijay's room, woke up in time for some SVU then a Seinfield marathon at exactly the right time.
Friday, Jackies friends came. Theyre awesome. We went to see Morgan half-naked at some play thing, partied it up in Nandos room, which means we just sat around and watched Zach and Jesse play Mario Kart. Then I met up with my one and only and we went to Fat Cat with a huge group of people. Stayed out till 5 cuz thats just how I roll.
Saturday was the big birthday celebration. And it was funny cuz one of the birthday boys passed out early (since he made the wise decision to start drinking at 9 that morning) and the other one I never even saw. So we had major amounts of insane fun in their honor. Almost as good as them actually being there. This warehouse was in the most obscure, shady part of Brooklyn I had ever been in. There were no other people, just warehouses and empty lots. Jackie drunkenly slipped on ice and got a bruise on her face. We both had to pee incredibly bad (thank god for empty lots). It was $5 off if you were in costume. I was a waitress, unintentionally. It was the dress I planned on wearing anyways. Once we finally got to this place, it was just like an insane rave. Me Jackie Nando and everyone, as Jackie puts it, "danced our panties off to a song that never ends." We had plans to take the staten island ferry at 6 am to see the sun rise- what a dumb idea. Well it could have been a good one if we were all sober and clean and awake and just all the things we were not. So some of us get back at 5:30, I hung out in Teddys room until 6:30 and unintentionally watched the sun rise. I definitely slept in till 2:30 the next day, wasted an hour in downstein, then wasted the whole rest of the day playing super mario bros. 3 in Seans room. It was a wonderful day.
Heres a picture from last weekend...Therese, definitely not sober, as you can tell. I dont know who the guy on the left is and the other girl is my roommate, Jordana...
Thought Id end on a funny note.
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[Monday,
February 27th, 2006] |
This weekend- incredible. Im so glad this is the one Therese was here for. I went to this party uptown Saturday night, incredibly insane. I say it isnt a party until your friend hooks up with guy you were planning on hooking up with and then throws up on your leg. Throw in the broken window and you have yourself a pretty amazing night.
Oh, we were the only non-Jews there. Therese- phenomenal when shes drunk, not to mention hilarious.
Right now, Im definitely in the mood for a Seinfield marathon. Im sure it will happen at some point in the night.
I actually finished all my homework and am quite bored. Teddys room was uneventful. He was high and was in some type of kung fu fight with Mitch.
The low point of my day- no longer ten cent wings on monday. Since monday night football is over, wings special is over. I could tell that bitchy waitress was happy to tell us that. She really didnt like us.
The high point of my day- is it ok if I dont have one? Nothing was out of the ordinary or made me insanely happy. In fact, theres this thing Ive been thinking about all day, but the more I think about it, the sadder it makes me, but I cant seem to stop thinking about it.
idk. I do know what would make me happy though....a seinfield marathon. Im going to go wander the halls in search of Sean and Jesse.....
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[Saturday,
February 4th, 2006] |
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Ahh my eyes are burning. I helped Erica with her photo project I guess. We smeared a ton of makeup all over my eyes and I had to pose in a bra with the straps down. Pretty intense. But yeah,ton of makeup in my eyes. I helped Jackie with her sound project this morning, too. Damn its crazy to have so many of my friends in Tisch. In a few minutes me Jackie and Zach are about to go to Barnes and Noble...one of my favorite things to do. Im almost done with Vickys scarf, so I can finish knitting that then read for Modern Israel. I have incredible amounts of homework. Ten pages of Russian. Me and Elsa went to the library to do it, then Zach joined us and we just talked the whole time. Of course. Tonight me and Jackie are seeing Capote, then perhaps partying afterwards. And by partying I mean random bar hopping, hoping we end up somewhere cool that doesnt check IDs and isnt crazy crowded with NYU students. I have an extra bed this weekend, Jordana went home. But last night it was filled with Fernando and tonight its probably gonna be filled by Zach. So no random hookups this weekend. Haha not taht it would have happened.
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[Tuesday,
January 24th, 2006] |
Im bored, yo!
Jackie definitely just signed up for a jazz dance class. I admire her. Im kinda bored. Waiting till 8 cuz theres a study abroad meeting I want to go to. And I gotta finish the Undergraduate Orientation Leader application. Tomorrow is supposed to be my most hardcore day, and its not even that bad. Stats recitation 8-9:15, Stats 11-12:15, Russian 12:30-1:45, Modern Israel 4:55-6:10. This semester is kicking last semester's ass. I am absolutely in love with two of my classes. Today, literally, I did not want Comparative Politics to end. Maybe Im in love with my professor- this old guy with a British accent. But I dont think thats it, I think its just listening to him talk about politics in that accent could keep me happy for days on end.
I also think Im growing addicted to coffee. I am finally able to drink real, straight-up black coffee. Was never able to before. I always felt that regular coffee was for the hardcore crowd, and I was always a wimpier cappuccino-type. Whatever, yo! Im hxc now. You cant stop me. And its only $1 from Space Market- open 24 hours a day! I have one more dollar left to my name, and I almost got a second cup of coffee today before I realized I need to save that dollar for coffee for my 8 am class. And then I have to scrounge for change to get coffee during Modern Israel. Not that the class makes me fall asleep, but I just feel so much better sitting there with a cup of coffee in my hand. I hope Im not becoming one of those people that thinks they look cool cuz theyre holding a cup of something. Do you ever see those people? Theyre annoying. Maybe Im the only one that thinks these things up. I definitely just wrote a lot about coffee.
So Will and the supermodel girlfriend broke up. Nows my chance to move in! Haha yeah right. So not happening...I realized Ive gotten to that point, with the guys on my floor, where I could never seriously think of hooking up with them. In the beginning, I could. Im glad I cant anymore. And Im sure they pretty much feel the same way about us. Its great. I love my floor. Next year, housing will be sweet. Ill be living at Union Square with Elsa and Jackie, I think were getting the same building as Dave, Marsh, Tim and Stefan. Itll be killer.
Mannnn the Teddy situation is effed. I dont even go to his room anymore, which is a big deal, compared to last semester. I spent more nights in that room than my own. Ive had some of my best college experiences in that room, and with him. Not in that way, guys. Dont worry. Although I doubt you were even thinking that.
Oh so my major, definitely changed to politics hardcore. Like all the way. Like Im effing working for the European government, yo!
Na kakome fakultyetye vwi oochityes?
(russian rules)
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[Wednesday,
January 18th, 2006] |
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music |
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whatever Jordanas playing |
] |
Heyyyyyyyyyy 13 minutes until Jackie Harry and Nando get out of class and we get to eat ten cent wings. I was FINALLY able to register today. I think this semester will be sweet. Elementary Statistics (normally a lame class but when taught by a hot young professor with some European accent miraculously seems more interesting), Russian, Comparative Politics (the book is called Representative Government in Modern Europe- otherwise known as Heaven in Book Form), and World Cultures: Modern Isreal. I love it all. Now I finally feel like Im at NYU. This is what I thought classes would be like.
Its nice. Thursday at 4:20 my weekend starts. I was so worried I would end up with Friday classes. But I did end up with two 8 am's. On Tuesday and Wednesday. But, its all right. Ill deal. Last semester, Wednesday was my easiest day. With only Russian at 12:30-1:45, now its my hardcore day. And when last semester Tuesday was my hardcore day, it now ends at 1:45. Beautiful. Im digging this hardcore. As of now, I love college. I love the city. I love my life. Im probably coming off as a bitch right now, but realistically, no one really goes on livejournal anymore except for like my sister and Heather. So I dont mind.
Mannnnn friday morning I have a meeting for the job of Undergraduate Orientation Leader where I would spend 5 weeks in the city in the summer and get paid $1500. Then next week is the Washington Square News Open House. And actually, I can get a paid job there as a copy editor. But I think Im gonna go for the NYU work study program. I went to apply yesterday but apparently needed my birth certificate. So next week.
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[Wednesday,
January 11th, 2006] |
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music |
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The Shins- Saint Simon |
] |
In a week I will be back in NY. It feels like I live here. Weird. I mean, it shouldnt be weird, cuz Ive lived with these people my whole life. Im just at this really weird in-between stage where Michigan feels like home, but so does NY. Its sweet. Man Ive been hardcore digging the Shins. And I got the new Strokes cd. Pretty kickin'. Ive been getting Caribou every day. They need to open up one of those there. But you know what they need here? Ten cent wings. And two dollar falafel.
Well, my ma is in Vegas. I have to drive Tiff and Paris to school in the mornings. Itll be a bitch.
Oh, and financial aid and loans and Sallie Mae can get effed in the a.
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[Tuesday,
December 6th, 2005] |
| [ |
music |
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The Shins- Mines Not a High Horse |
] |
Isnt it supposed to be that over time, you develop an immunity over something? Over coffe...for example? For some reason, $1.25 french vanilla cappuccino from Space Market is making me flip out....I kinda like it. Ive never had something affect me so much. I have incredible amounts of energy..like never before. I dont think thats healthy.
Anyways....yesterday was the worst day of my life and I wished I would have never woken up. BUT I did buy new laundry detergent the other day, tide with febreeze, and doing laundry last night made me so happy it should be illegal.
In 15 minutes I have to head over to Tisch hall to meet with some people from Russian to rehearse a script..not looking forward to that. Stefanie, this girl...um, as youre about to be able to tell- a SUPER smart girl...is sitting in a shopping cart in the hallway. Dont ask how it got into the building. I couldnt tell you why. Everyone right now is flipping out over this intro to psych test...like all of NYU is apparently in it...Ashley Olsen is and isn't that all that matters?
I just saw Jackies film project...its pretty rockin. It starts, in pictures with audio, with these two people, Teddy and Andi (a girl) talking on the phone to different people about how they have to go to their old apartment to pack some things up. It was apparent they had broken up. They get there, and start going through some of the stuff, and with each thing they pick up, memories come back. All of the past memories are depicted in polaroids. Eventually you realize they still have feelings for eachother and all is going well, until she picks up a necklace and is like "I dont remember this" before she realized it belongs to the girl he cheated on her with. They start to argue and it ends, though, fortunately, happily, with a kiss.
I thought it was pretty sweet. Teddy is an amazing actor.
But Teddy in person...a different story. Hes unlike anyone Ive ever met and I dont know if thats good or bad. I can tell Im going to be having problems with him in the future. I ended up slamming the door on him last night..but too loudly. I didnt mean for it to be so loud. But its not like I could open it back up and be like "Oh I meant to slam it but not that hard." So I left it. Havent seen him since. He was being totally unreasonable. I left the room last night and on my way out he was like "what the FUCK. You always just get up and leave without saying bye, like youre trying to make some big exit, like youre too good for the rest of us" and crap. And I had so clearly said like five minutes before I left that I was leaving, and said my goodbyes he just wasnt listening cuz he was too busy strumming on his guitar, all caught up in his pretentiousness (is that a word?) that he cant notice anyone else for just a SECOND. So I was walking out, and a broken mirror from this weekend was still on the floor..glass was everywhere. And he was like "Watch out for the glass" which I thought was kinda sweet until he said "asshole" so it was an automatic reaction to slam the door as hard as I could on my way out. I know it sounds incredibly immature and trivial but I just dont know. About him. Boys are seriously so dumb sometimes. So why am I so into this one? I KNOW myself well enough to know that Im going to stop by his room tonight like everyone always does...and I KNOW I told him Im done with this hooking up thing...but I KNOW I wont be able to stand strong and hold up to my word. I know hes going to say something dumb yet hysterical and Im going to laugh...oh man I want to see him now. But I have to go see these Russian people. Da? Y MENR ECTb...
Im done.
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[Monday,
December 5th, 2005] |
.....If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
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[Monday,
November 28th, 2005] |
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music |
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Whatever Jordana is listening to |
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Ohh man Im so glad I finally started homework. I needed to. But I decided to take a break. Although I started like 20 minutes ago. I had some coffee, too much to focus on this.
I just got back from home a few days ago. Its weird, as soon as I left the airport, it felt totally normal. Even though my family moved to a new place in Royal Oak, it still felt normal. It went by too quickly, though. Well, Tiff said it felt like I was there forever. I know I didnt get to see everybody, but I got to see my closest friends, and thats all that really matters, right? I got my fill of Caribou, and came home with a new thermos. I had to drive in the snow. When I came back, it also felt normal. I think Im at some weird, in-between phase. Or maybe it will be like this forever? Can two places really feel like home? I got back in NY though pretty much before anyone else on my floor did. My christmas lights had fallen, and I had to go to Duane Reade to pick up some packaging tape. Now they'll stay up forever. Harry, Kelsea, and Mani were here. Vijay came back later and we all went to this surprisingly cheap Thai/Philipino restaurant. The bartender there had some amazing skills. He could link any actress or actor who has been in at least two american mass-released movies to Kevin Bacon. He even did it to Mara Wilson. Amazing. If you could stump him, you got a free shot. Some woman said "Juliette Binoche" and won. It was thoroughly entertaining. Then I wimped out early and fell asleep by 12 that night. On a Saturday night, mind you. Yesterday I went to some Thai place for lunch. I have never eaten so much Thai in my life. I got the December issue of Vogue, looked for Will's girlfriend in it but dont know too well what she looks like. Jackie's friend, who is in the Penn State marching band, appears in the Wizard of Oz spread in this month's issue. Intense. They also performed at the Marc Jacobs spring show. How lucky. My lab got cancelled today because of the strike. Finally, it affected me. So I had only one class today, Russian. I have to memorize a stanza of this Russian poem by tomorrow. Crap. Im gonna finish my homework hopefully, and then watch Jackie do laundry, then convince her to go to Old Navy with me. I need to start Christmas shopping, too. With papers, exams, and projects, I wont have any time to do it before I come home. I come home again three weeks from tomorrow. Im so excited.
Ok for real now....Im gonna finish my homework.
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[Wednesday,
November 16th, 2005] |
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mood |
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reminiscent |
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music |
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Something Corporate- Konstantine |
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Ohhh man Im in one of those moods. Im playing Konstantine. I want to come home.
(a picture of Tiff and Sam singing Konstantine...it felt appropriate)
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[Tuesday,
November 15th, 2005] |
Sweet, innocent Teddy then...
and hardcore, alternative Teddy now...
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[Sunday,
November 6th, 2005] |
I was lucky enough to have my camera on me when I saw Harry step out of an unmarked van on Broadway...
(keep in mind, guys, this guy is my friend.)
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